10 lessons in urban English

COUGAR

Pronunciation: \ˈkü-gər also -ˌgär\

Function: noun

Inflected Form(s): plural cougars also cougar

Etymology: French couguar, modification of New Latin cuguacuarana

Lesson 1:

An older woman who frequents clubs in order to score with a much younger man. The cougar can be anyone from an overly surgically altered wind tunnel victim, to an absolute sad and bloated old horn-meister, to a real hottie or MILF. Cougars are gaining in popularity -- particularly the true hotties -- as young men find not only a sexual high, but many times a chick with her shit together.

Context: That cougar I met last night, showed me shit I didn't know existed, I'm goin; back for more.

Point to ponder: What's a horn-meister?


Lesson 2:
(see also hunt, prowl, corner, pounce). Noun. A 35+ year old female who is on the "hunt" for a much younger, energetic, willing-to-do-anything male. The cougar can frequently be seen in a padded bra, cleavage exposed, propped up against a swanky bar in San Francisco (or other cities) waiting, watching, calculating; gearing up to sink her claws into an innocent young and strapping buck who happens to cross her path. "Man is cougar's number one prey".

Point to ponder: San Francisco... or other cities. LOL!

Lesson 3:
Have been party girl/s who are now angry they are not married and prey on younger men; common traits include leathery skin from frequent tanning sessions, smoking, anti-depressant use, and a large collection of "massagers."

Point to ponder: ..angry that they are not married. Hahaha!


Lesson 4:
A woman in her sexual prime who prefers to hunt rather than be hunted. A cougar's victims are usually under 25, as cougars prefer to mate with men who still have hair. Cougars generally feed and then continue hunting, as they enjoy role reversal.

Point to ponder: Based on the premise that men who are bald aren't boinkable?


Lesson 5:
A Cougar is a female, usually between thirty and fifty years-old, who enjoys the sexual company of younger men.

Cougars are only usually interested in men under the age of twenty-five. Also, Cougars are non-committal, choosing to move from mate to mate without ever settling down. It is not uncommon for the same Cougar to attack (sleep with) many different men in the same group of friends. Furthermore, Cougars are older and more practiced in the ways of snaring a mate so they will rarely broadcast their intentions to sleep with you until you are already in her Jetta, headed for the condo she just bought. It is this elusive behavior that earns her the name “Cougar.”

Point to ponder: Attack man jud...


Lesson 6:
An older woman who's primary interest lies in bedding younger men. Often, but not necessarily, with money; cougars are the more aggressive variety of the commonly used term: MILF.

Point to ponder: Cougaring is expensive. DOM: Dirty Old Maid. Ahehehe..


Lesson 7:

Hot and sexy older woman, usually in her 40s or 50s, single or married, who is sick of her same-age counterparts which are usually hairless, have big guts, who only talk about their insurance premiums and have the TV remote control attached to their hands. Cougars are attractive, in their sexual prime, who know what they want and aren't afraid to go after it. BIG misconception is that they dress cheap, wear hot pink nail polish, animal skin prints and are not-so-attractive old-looking hags with bleached hair (Yeah those women exist, but they are NOT cougars). True cougars are classy, beautiful creatures who have made their successes on their own, have real brains, usually with expensive cars/homes, and are real head turners. Cougars seek younger men, and don't have to sneak up and attack...they know their younger mates are eager to get an experienced woman who won't ask if they'll call them the next day. Being a cougar is a positive thing.

Context: 20-something girl: "oh no, that cougar just left with Jeff and I've been trying to get him to ask me out for the past three months".

Point to ponder: Cougars do not wear animal skin prints. Good to know.


Lesson 8:
An attractive middle-aged woman who is fit, active, confident, independent, somewhat bohemian and not yet brain dead who is attracted to younger men because most of the available men her age are opinionated lazy slugs with beer guts.

Point to ponder: A cougar is not yet brain dead.


Lesson 9:
A woman who, for some unknown reason, is attracted to men she finds out are younger than she is, often significantly so. She looks younger than her age, acts younger than her age, and has the confidence she didn't have when she was younger - which younger men apparently find appealing. She's not always the bottle blond, surgically enhanced woman described in other definitions of the word. She most often has her life in order and has earned her Independence. She's probably not had a conventional life and she's ok with that. Many of her friends don't get it and tell her to find some old rich fart to die with.

Point to ponder: Cougars have some very "supportive" friends.


Lesson 10:
A term used to undermine the relationship that a woman has with a younger man. Funny, there's no real term for an older man that dates younger women, but I guess we have to find a "funny" term for older women who may just happen to be into younger men, because making fun of women is funny.

Point to ponder: LOL! Bitter cougar wrote this one, I bet.



Because knowledge ought to be shared with the world.

Rawr.