So cool it's bordering on insane...

I'm a bit wary of Japanese movies because they tend to depress. I'm a big fan of happy endings and Japanese endings have a predilection for death and inexplicable sorrow that's supposed to teach you a lesson about honor and whatnot.

Meh. I watch movies because I like to be entertained. I want to laugh and if there's any crying involved, it should be followed by hilarity enough to knock me off my chair. And while Marisse, otherwise known as She-Who-Loves-Depressing-Movies, maintains that reality isn't like that, I have enough of reality just living my life. I'd like to escape once in a while, thank you very much.

Back to Japanese movies. I saw Hana Yori Dango - Final last night. Well, more like midnight under cover of darkness (because everyone else in the house was asleep). Anyway, the movie was sort of a finale to a 2-season Japanese dorama (which is how they say and spell drama. *snerk*), which was a live action adaptation of a popular anime, the live action of which has been franchised in Taiwan (the first ever F4 of which my beloved Ken Zhu is a member) and more recently, in Korea.


Looks pretty harmless, right? Like a normal couple getting married. The plot of the anime was incredulous on its own but the movie was just bizarre. Super rich boy, only son and heir to the largest corporation in Japan, meets poor but really strong-willed girl.

It starts off with Doumyouji (famous rich boy) announcing his engagement to the virtually unknown Tsukushi. Then they're given... wait for it... THE CROWN OF VENUS!!!

Actually, it's just a crown with 4 jewels that's traditionally given to the new bride. The jewels represented something like America's Dream, Hong Kong's Hope, the Tears of the Southern Seas and a fourth that I don't remember. Trust the Japanese to make a simple tiara symbolic of something more profound.

Then, while staying at a hotel, the crown is stolen and there appears to be a conspiracy involving the hotel employees! And then it's implied that they can't possibly get married without that tiara because it's like their destiny. Bayertz.

They find out that the owner of the hotel helped the thief escape so they chase the owner to... tandadadan... Las Vegas! America's Dream! Bah.

Then they find out that the hotel owner was just bribed into helping the thief but he feels guilty so he gives them $5million to bet at the roulette table so they can come up with more money because the crown was being auctioned off at, guess where? Hong Kong! Where the Hope is! LOL! I am just laughing my ass off now.

So anyway, the ever reckless Doumyouji bets the entire $5-M on the 00 number and the roulette spins. Just when the ball stops on 00, Doumyouji sees the thief and leaps over the table to chase him. Said ball bounces off the 00 and into the 1. And they lose the $5-M and Doumyouji doesn't catch the thief either.

But no worries, their 3 friends, the only sons and heirs to the 3 other large Japanese corporations, come to their rescue. And oh so conveniently, they brought their wedding present for the couple, a plane. And they're off to Hong Kong to bid on the crown.

They pay like a billion dollars for the crown but the morning after the auction, Tsukushi sees Rui (one of the rich friends) talking to the thief and shaking his hand. OMG. Betrayal.

She confides in Doumyouji but they get into a fight because he doesn't want to believe her. On the plane ride home, they are drugged by the flight stewardess and the tiara is taken yet again. They wake up, washed up on the shores of a deserted island in -- that's right -- the Southern Seas. What up!

They keep fighting and Tsukushi is wondering whether or not she would be happy married to Doumyouji. She runs off to a river when suddenly, she's chased by a black bear. So now, it appears that black bears are indigenous to deserted islands in the Southern Seas.

While running for her life, Tsukushi flashes back on how she met Doumyouji. She remembers punching him for being an ass. Then she yells, "Why is everybody attacking me?!". Then she settles into a fighting stance and.... PUNCHES THE BEAR!

A short Japanese girl punches a black bear indigenous to a deserted island in the Southern Seas!

OMG. I had to pause the movie because I was laughing so hard.

Anyway, after punching the bear unconscious, Tsukushi realizes that she lost the necklace Doumyouji gave to her, the Saturn Necklace. Amazing kaayo ning mga Japanese oi. I think I'd like a ruby and sapphire pendant and call it Mars Colliding With Earth.

So, Tsukushi got lost trying to find the necklace. Doumyouji finds her and tells her that she is more important to him than that necklace and all is well. Awwww.... how sweet.

Then Doumyouji finds the necklace in a bird's nest because apparently, some bird used it to, I don't know, decorate the nest, I suppose.

The couple is then picked up by a helicopter and brought to the home of the "thief", who turns out to be a friend of Doumyouji's mother. They realize the Crown of Venus was just some sort of elaborate scheme to get them to realize whether they really would be happy together. Haler.

Anyway, before Dennise rambles on to tell me to stop writing about my "Korean crazy shit", I just really wanted to blog about this because it truly made me laugh.

Well, actually, I just wanted to be able to write this.

A short Japanese girl punches a black bear indigenous to a deserted island in the Southern Seas!